Wednesday, June 30, 2010
Tuesday, June 29, 2010
I. Hate. Traveling.
But you know what I hate more? NECK PILLOWS.
You know, those neon, tempur-pedic micro-bead U-shaped monstrosities that everyone and their dog carry around airports. Come on. And if that's not bad enough, these neck-pillow carrying citizens proceed to wear the blasted things around their necks as if they're snuzzy woolen scarves on a winter's day. NO. THEY JUST LOOK LIKE CATERPILLARS WEAVING COCOON SACKS AROUND YOUR NECK. It's terrifying! What must young children think? It would have scared the freckles off my face if, as a young grasshopper, I had seen someone voluntarily donning a SQUISHY NECK BRACE.
But after defending your Constitutional right to carry Chapstick in your handbag through security whilst simultaneously being patted down by some greasy-haired middle-aged security agent, running through what can only be described as a poorly designed series of corridors purposed merely to watch human beings panic while trying to find their gate, and finding your seat on the plane only to discover that you are squished into the window seat next to some bitchy, skinny woman in her 60's donning a fanny pack and fiercely clutching a Reader's Digest who gives you a look as if to say, "Leggings are not an excuse for pants", and then awkwardly giving everyone a line-of-vision view of your stomach while trying to force your carry-on into an impossibly tiny and mysteriously packed overhead compartment, you STILL have your bloody neck pillow to make everything better. Thank you, Brookstone.
Monday, June 28, 2010
Friday, June 25, 2010
The 'mark' Have a Heart Bracelet, although endorsed by Lauren Conrad, has a very powerful message! It represents support for ending dating abuse. Almost all of the proceeds ($11 out of the $12 it retails for) goes to the 'm.powerment by mark' fund. I have this bracelet and have been wearing it for several months without taking it off! It holds special meaning for me. I hope you'll buy one!
P.S. The adjustable chain part comes off, don't worry about looking like you're wearing Claire's jewelry, which is famous for its never-ending adjustable chains.
Thursday, June 24, 2010
I am a halophile. I love salt. I convince myself that it is FINE to eat copious amounts of the lovely mineral because I am a runner and sweat it all out. I'll just keep telling myself that.
But anyway, I love salt.
Did I mention that? And that is why I am attracted to this odd little piece of pottery. What a nifty little critter to stash your salt or sugar in. Who would have thought!! I'm always looking for little pinch pots for just this purpose, and this one is just so ... huggable!
ALSO been itching to get my salty hands on this book by Mark Kurlansky!
Wednesday, June 23, 2010
Tuesday, June 22, 2010
Monday, June 21, 2010
I am like a magpie to anything shiny. I don't know if I would necessarily wear this, but I would probably buy it just to stare at it awkwardly. I can picture myself out with friends, sitting in the corner, not contributing to the conversation but instead turning my wrist about just to catch the light on the little paillettes. Yes I am odd. But at least I admit to it.
Friday, June 18, 2010
Thursday, June 17, 2010
Here's my (oldest), ahem, newest problem. Does anyone else have the Google Notifier for Macs? Yes? Then you understand completely. I'll say no more.
But for the rest of you who still use Hotmail, Yahoo, and the ever-ancient AOL mail (why?), I will explain my problem with the Google Notifier.
Right, for lack of a better word, I am a communication whore. I can't not check my email or Facebook or phone for an extended period of … 2 minutes. WELL, actually, here's my rationale: if I check my email obsessively, I've got myself covered. Because all of my email accounts and my Facebook notifications get sent to my Gmail account, which is linked to my PHONE, which automatically checks for email every 15 minutes. This is sad, yes, but I just hate being out of the loop. SO WHAT.
So you see, by having my phone with me day and night, I am always connected (with the exception of text messages that come whenever they damn well please) every 15 minutes.
BUT. On my laptop, it's another story. For the time being, I am out of the country. My phone doesn't work. So obviously my sense of needing to check communications is heightened. I mean, I get no text messages, therefore I must check my email as often as possible.
Enter the Google Notifier. A handy little mail icon that sits leeringly at the top of my screen and dings peacefully when I have inherited an email. There are no settings for the Google Notifier, it checks for mail whenever it bloody feels like it, which could be, on a good moment, every 4 minutes, or in a worst case scenario … EVERY NINETEEN.
I don't trust the Google Notifier. It's horrifying when it goes for nearly 20 minutes without checking if I have a life. So I force it to check by clicking on the friendly mail icon and saying "Check Now". Easy enough, right? Except, the embarrassing part is, when I go to do this, it usually says, "Checked 1 min ago". As if to imply that I really do check my mail every minute.
And I do. Every bloody minute. Isn't this sad? I have a complex. What if I get an email in the 37 seconds that passed since I last checked? I WOULD NEVER KNOW, because the Google Notifier WOULD NOT TELL ME just because it KNOWS I LOVE TO HATE IT. And so, as of late, I have been trying to exercise self-control and wait like, 12 minutes before forcing it to check. Not bad, right? RIGHT??? At the present moment, I have not checked for mail for 9 peacefully agonizing minutes. But. I mean. That's 9 minutes. That's. I mean. It's long enough. Right?
CLEAN. YOUR FACE. UP. IT'S A WORK IN PROGRESS.
Wednesday, June 16, 2010
Tuesday, June 15, 2010
Blissfully happy at work, trying not to fall asleep, so madly clicking away to find fun little dainties for you folks to enjoy. Obviously my job is pressing.
It's insane what boredom can lead to - incessant Facebook creeping, overdosing on online shopping, clock-watching, wondering about random things like, where does perfume go when it wears off? And, why do people shake hands when they meet someone new? Will I be able to afford this ring since I am working SO hard for the money to buy it with? And, why, for the love of god, did I agree to go on a double date tonight with someone I am not even dating? Ah well. This bit of rambling has helped cure my boredom, so thanks. Thanks. Chew on this.
P.S. It's only Tuesday. Seriously?
Monday, June 14, 2010
caught orange-handed: the post where I freely admit that I do not know a blessed thing about self-tanning
I am from the northern nethers of the country. Having said this, it is perfectly normal (note: I did not say "acceptable") to go about your business with skin as white as the snow that coats the ground for an unsettling 5 months out of the year.
But summer is fast approaching, and this year, I flipped Mother Nature the bird and said, "I WILL be tan for the beach this summer. Even if it requires using fake chemical substances to achieve it." And so, I stocked up on tanning lotions and sprays, merrily read the directions, and proceeded to achieve the aforementioned "tan" state of being that I so desperately craved. Now, I never hoped to be orange, I was just looking for a natural glow that my complexion normally does not allow.
Let's just say that I now have so much respect for all of you orange glowworms out there who have the stamina to keep up with the self-tanning lifestyle. IT'S NOT EASY. Truth be told, for the first few days of religiously showering myself in a fine mist of tanning spray, I was glowing like a crisp little onion sizzling happily away in a trough of oil. Life was lovely from the tan point of view! I felt beautiful. I realized my full potential. I SOLVED WORLD PEACE.
But THEN. Bad things began to happen. I had forgotten that, like snakes, our skin peels and flakes and, with it, anything we happen to put on our skin (i.e. TANNING LOTION). UM. After a week, I began to notice odd patches of WHITE skin peeking through the beautiful glowing orange. And in OBVIOUS places. Like, my ARMPITS. And my NECK. And that weird place between your boobs where your bra comes together? YES, THERE TOO.
And so, suddenly, I was no longer a beautiful glowing goddess, I was a patchy leper! Gasp! And it's like, there's no way to scrub the patches off. They're EMBEDDED under your top layer of skin. So I just keep putting more lotion on hoping to cover it up, but somehow that mysteriously just moves the patches around.
Now, I have heard an urban myth THAT NO ONE TOLD ME ABOUT UNTIL IT WAS TOO LATE, that the intelligent tanners of the world use a mysterious SCRUB to remove their tan every few days. IS THIS TRUE???
If it is, I need a scrub. Desperately. If any of you out there are tanning junkies, please, unload your wisdom on me. I completely admit to being amateur and uninformed on this subject.
Peace, love, and tanning scrubs,
Friday, June 11, 2010
So cute. A little wispy necklace. Caveat - this is from J.Crew Kids - so if you buy one and it ends up being an awkward Victorian-era-weird-ribbon-choker, it is not my fault, you were fair warned. 'Twould also be lush wrapped around the wrist.
P.S. Why is everyone obsessed with the World Cup? Can we say bo.ring.
Thursday, June 10, 2010
I stared at this for a good 37 seconds trying to figure it out, and then I realized it was explained in the description next to it. Right. Anyway, if you ever feel the need for a bull shot glass that really doesn't look stable at all, this is the place to find it. Hey, don't hate. It's been a long, long week.
Wednesday, June 9, 2010
Now this. Is badass. Yes PLEASE. I am sure that drinks would taste so much better after being stirred by the golden bunny. No really.
Tuesday, June 8, 2010
Ok. I realize that it is very difficult to market beauty products to the general public, because everyone's skin type is different and some products just aren't a good match. But THIS, I am going to take a risk with. I urge you to try it, because it makes your skin GLOW. No really. GLOW - as in, I am glowing as if I just fell in love, won the lottery, am genuinely happy, love my life, etc. It is amazing and fantastic, and as usual, Benefit has produced yet another miraculous product. Give it a whirl!
Monday, June 7, 2010
Friday, June 4, 2010
Thursday, June 3, 2010
A couple seasons ago, J.Crew made a line of dresses very similar to this one. I love the style, love the design - I feel like a very powerful, confident woman can wear a long dress such as this one without feeling the need to use her legs as an attention-getter. Absolutely lovely.
Wednesday, June 2, 2010
Tuesday, June 1, 2010
Did you know that The Cheesecake Factory's NASDAQ ticker symbol is "CAKE"? Hahaha!!! When I went to their website, I turned the annoying voice media stream OFF, but they kept talking anyway. Thanks. Anyway, I really want some pineapple cheesecake right now, and I can't be bothered to make one, so I might just have to order one for an outlandish $45. As if.