A little materialism never hurt anybody. If anything, it made them happier.

Thursday, June 17, 2010

Google, you already own the free world. Release me from your clutches.

Here's my (oldest), ahem, newest problem. Does anyone else have the Google Notifier for Macs? Yes? Then you understand completely. I'll say no more.

But for the rest of you who still use Hotmail, Yahoo, and the ever-ancient AOL mail (why?), I will explain my problem with the Google Notifier.

Right, for lack of a better word, I am a communication whore. I can't not check my email or Facebook or phone for an extended period of … 2 minutes. WELL, actually, here's my rationale: if I check my email obsessively, I've got myself covered. Because all of my email accounts and my Facebook notifications get sent to my Gmail account, which is linked to my PHONE, which automatically checks for email every 15 minutes. This is sad, yes, but I just hate being out of the loop. SO WHAT.

So you see, by having my phone with me day and night, I am always connected (with the exception of text messages that come whenever they damn well please) every 15 minutes.

BUT. On my laptop, it's another story. For the time being, I am out of the country. My phone doesn't work. So obviously my sense of needing to check communications is heightened. I mean, I get no text messages, therefore I must check my email as often as possible.

Enter the Google Notifier. A handy little mail icon that sits leeringly at the top of my screen and dings peacefully when I have inherited an email. There are no settings for the Google Notifier, it checks for mail whenever it bloody feels like it, which could be, on a good moment, every 4 minutes, or in a worst case scenario … EVERY NINETEEN.

I don't trust the Google Notifier. It's horrifying when it goes for nearly 20 minutes without checking if I have a life. So I force it to check by clicking on the friendly mail icon and saying "Check Now". Easy enough, right? Except, the embarrassing part is, when I go to do this, it usually says, "Checked 1 min ago". As if to imply that I really do check my mail every minute.

And I do. Every bloody minute. Isn't this sad? I have a complex. What if I get an email in the 37 seconds that passed since I last checked? I WOULD NEVER KNOW, because the Google Notifier WOULD NOT TELL ME just because it KNOWS I LOVE TO HATE IT. And so, as of late, I have been trying to exercise self-control and wait like, 12 minutes before forcing it to check. Not bad, right? RIGHT??? At the present moment, I have not checked for mail for 9 peacefully agonizing minutes. But. I mean. That's 9 minutes. That's. I mean. It's long enough. Right?